This Just In...

Rosie O'Donnell will not be returning to "The View". She was supposed to fulfill her contract until June 20, but she decided to peace out early.

Here's what everybody had to say for themselves:

Rosie: "I'm extremely grateful. It's been an amazing year and I love all three women."
Translation: I hate you bitches. This year has been the worst year of my life. Even worse than the year my Broadway play Taboo with Boy George bombed! I hate Donald Trump and all of you. I don't know how you did it, Hasselbeck, but somehow you roped the network into siding with you over me. Damn you, Hasselbeck! Damn you!!

Barbara Walters: "I brought Rosie to the show. Rosie contributed to one of our most exciting and successful years at 'The View'. I am most appreciative. Our close and affectionate relationship will not change."
Translation: What the hell was I thinking to bring Rosie on the show? I must have been on crack or something. If it weren't for the enormous ratings boost because of all the controversy, I would have fired her ass a long time ago. I will never speak to Rosie O'Donnell again.

ABC: "We had hoped that Rosie would be with us until the end of her contract three weeks from now, but Rosie has informed us that she would like an early leave. Therefore, we part ways, thank her for her tremendous contribution to 'The View' and wish her well."
Translation: We are so excited to wash our hands of constantly having to release statements in support of such a monster. Good riddance, Rosie. Don't let the camera hit you in the face on the way out!

Maybe I should try to get Rosie's empty chair at "The View" table!

Picture: MSNBC Media