Pop Guru's 2010 Oscar Fashion Review

Last night's Oscars were unpredictable, but nothing was as unpredictable as the dresses that came down the red carpet. One by one, the stars waltzed down the red carpet and with each dress that passed by the camera, a little part of me died inside. Welcome to the year of the neutral! Almost everyone was wearing some shade of nude/metallic/gold. Um, hello - a little pop of color is not going to kill you! Regardless of the pathetic display that was the red carpet last night, you still deserve my annual review. Without further ado, please to enjoy...Pop Guru's Annual Oscar Fashion Review!

Best Dressed

Disclaimer: I realize most of you will disagree with my choices, but please know that there wasn't much to choose from. These picks were as big of a stretch as one of Nicole Kidman's face lifts.

At first I was totally against this, seeing as it looks a little bit like she fashioned the Golden Girls tablecloth into a dress. But the more I look at the entire ensemble, the more I like it. Not her best choice ever, however, not terrible.


I have no idea why Cheryl Hines was at the Oscars, but girl looked great!


You know I am REALLY struggling if I have to choose Queen Latifah as Best Dressed. I blame Charlize for this. Shame on you, Charlize.


Paula Patton is pregnant, for goodness sakes, and she was still able to pick a fabulous dress! She's about to give birth on the red carpet yet she's capable of standing up straight. Take notes, Miley.


This one pains me most of all. I loathe Cameron Diaz and her aggressive need for attention (not that I know anything about that), but alas, she looked good last night. Hopefully, I'll never have to go against my morals like this again. Damn you for this, Charlize.

Worst Dressed

In honor of the Academy honoring ten nominees for Best Picture this year, Pop Guru has decided to follow suit and nominate ten people for Worst Dressed. Simply because there were just too many to narrow it down to only five. This could have been your chance to get on my good side, Miley. Better luck next year.

I just want to know what asshole told Zoe Saldana that it's ok to show up to the Oscars farting hydrangeas.

The pixie look, the goth dress, the knives and forks and whatever else bedazzlement. Obviously Carey Mulligan just wants to edge out Kristen Stewart as Queen of the Hipsters, but she's going to have to start showering a hell of a lot less to accomplish that.


You take four hundred coffee filters, dye them red, and get a Japanese origami artist to configure them into a dress - viola! Vera Farmiga now has the perfect dress to wear for the only Oscar nod she is ever going to get.


Mama always told me to stand up straight, but I never listened. Forgive me, Mother, for I have sinned. I should have listened to you so I wouldn't look like a train wreck like Miley Cyrus.


Woman! What are you doing to me?! Faith Hill is one of the few Southern celebrities that I like, and then she turns up in one of Lisa Marie Presley's hand me downs? Absolute disgrace.


I get it that you are obsessed with Chanel, Diane Kruger, but this is taking it too far. If you paid me $10,000 to shred my goose down comforter and glue it into a dress, that is the only way I would be ok with this look.


This dress almost blends into Demi Moore's skin color. You know nude is too nude when I think you are actually naked until I see the mass of ruffles around your ass.


Is Charlize Theron updating Madonna's 80s cone bra look? Making a play on Princess Leia? Or is she just craving Cinnabon? Is this multiple choice or can I select all of the above?


If Patricia Fields took a shit on a sheet and called it fashion, Sarah Jessica Parker would still wear it and call it fabulous. And that's exactly what happened here, ladies and gentlemen. I present to you the sheet, and SJP just shat all over the red carpet.


Saddam Hussein was allowed out for the big event and Elvira was nice enough to go as his date.

Photos: Wireimage

Pop Guru's Annual Oscar Fashion Review!

Well, the beauty of borrowing internet is that it's unpredictable - I couldn't post my fashion review last night because my internet was out.  Guess I should pay for it!  What a fab show on Sunday!  Hugh Jackman, in all his girlish glory, actually did a pretty good job as the host.  I really liked the musical numbers, and what would any award show be without Beyonce forcibly thrusting herself into the spotlight.  The Oscars have nothing to do with you, you egotistical maniac!   You and Mama Tina need to realize the Dreamgirls moment has passed and finally accept the fact that Jennifer Hudson aka "American Idol" has an Oscar and you never will!  Beyonce is one unnecessary parade away from being Tyra Banks.

Although the show was ridiculously long, I loved the way past Oscar winners came out to introduce each nominee in the main categories.  Ben Stiller's impersonation of Joaquin Phoenix was hysterical and finally convinced me it's all a hoax.  My favorite moment by far was when Kate Winslet yelled out, "Dad, whistle or something so then I'll know where you are!"  So cute, and I'm really so happy for her that she was finally given the award she deserved.  Although, not so happy she chose such a matronly dress and hairdo.  Just cause you got the golden statue doesn't mean you need to dress like a Golden Girl!

I know I'm not the only one who thought it was cold hearted that they showed Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie during Jennifer Aniston's moment on stage. It was expected but I thought The Oscars might be better than that - boy, was I wrong! That was just so tacky. I absolutely loved Jennifer's hair, although it was "Hills" hair and I'll just have to come to terms with my support of that. Oh, who am I kidding?! I sport a ginormous Lauren Conrad Mark by Avon ring!

Now on to the fashion... Wasn't much to look at this year!  Most of it was humdrum or flat out ugly.  I'm talking about you, Miley.  I'm not sure if the stars are pulling a Nicolette Sheridan and being their own stylists because of the recession, but whatever the reason, they need a fashion bailout plan FAST!

Best Dressed:

Though Tina Fey didn't walk the red carpet, she was one of the most stunning of the night!  This dress fit her like a glove and it was just the right amount of cleavage, not overboard like she was at the Golden Globes!

Diane Lane hardly looked a day over 40! This really doesn't do her justice because she glowed on TV!

Taraji P. Henson was so cute and grateful to even be at The Oscars, but she really pulled off a classic red carpet look.  I loved her hair!  The small red handbag added just the right pop of color to the crisp white dress.

Ugh, as much as I hate to say nice things about Skeletor, I liked this ensemble.  Classic black dress with a grandiose flair by pairing it with sparkling green earrings.  I thought Debbie Matenopolus was going to hurl herself from the scaffolding upon Angelina Jolie when she arrived.  Debbie actually forgot she was on TV and started screeching "ANGIE!!!" and jumping up and down.  Like a real professional.  Debbie was having a major sugar rush from the one Skittle she had eaten that day, so her hysteria when she saw her Anorexia Idol was completely understandable.

By far the best and most fabulous of the night!  Natalie Portman dared to wear a flashy color, yet didn't overdo it a la Heidi Klum and opted for minimal jewelry.  Sophisticated yet bold - ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS!

Worst Dressed:

Let ze Heidi Klum drape zeself in a red satin sheet that corresponds with ze gazillion Diet Coke Heart Healthy commercials that aired during ze telecast - no one will ever be ze wiser to ze subliminal messaging!  Oh Zack Morris, how you have taught me so much in ze ways of wiling women!  Auf wiedersehen!

Why must such a gorgeous girl pick such a terrible dress!  Freida Pinto has chosen gorgeous dresses all season long, and now she chooses this wretched thing with the mono sleeve?  Ew.  I have never been a fan of the one sleeve look - sleeves are meant to come with a partner or not at all!

Aside from looking like a rock opera costume gone wrong, Marion Cotillard's dress can't seem to decide if it wants to be short or long.  It cuts off mid-thigh, then decides to vomit out a mountain of tulle.  

Um, no.  Vanessa Hudgens looks like a teen Elvira.  Why must Disney Teens invade my award shows?  Doesn't she have a Nickelodeon's Kid Choice Awards she should be at right now?

Miley Cyrus = Hot Mess.  I don't even know what this is.  I feel as if it is something that might come from the sea, some kind of crackwhore mermaid emerging from the water to post YouTube videos and slowly destroy humanity.

This picture proves we should never let Whoopi Goldberg out of her cage.

Sarah Jessica Parker aka Wedding Barbie came out to play.

So did her boobs.

Be careful, Zac Efron.  We've watched a young hunk stop washing his hair and lose his charming good looks once before.  It can be a gradual decent into the pits of Bonaduce, but it can happen to you...

Just ask Mickey Rourke.

Photos: AP Images

Academy Awards Fashion Coverage

It's so late and I'm oh so tired, so sorry to make this brief. But I didn't want to disappoint you and leave you hanging without knowing what I thought about last night's fashion. So here goes...

Worst Dressed:

Cate Blanchett - I'm probably going to get torn apart for this, but this is a hideous dress. She looks like a giant eggplant - and no, I'm not making fun of the fact that she is knocked up. Pregnant or not, this dress would still get my vote for worst dressed.


Penelope Cruz - It's no secret that I despise Penelope. How long have you been in America? It's about time to learn a little English. And how many times can she wear this same silhouette? Every damn time she wears a strapless dress with some sort of feather assortment. Get a new stylist and a speech coach.


Nicole Kidman - The Ice Princess stayed true to her nickname by wearing every diamond that ever existed with this dress. She could have down-played that just a smidge. And when she went to present, the necklace was drapped around her left breast. Was that on purpose, Nicole? You were just trying to show off your new boob, weren't you?


Anne Hathaway - I mean, leave the garden at home. Train wreck upon her shoulder.


Daniel Day-Lewis - Lose the earrings, Captain Jack Sparrow.



Best Dressed:

Cameron Diaz - As much as I hate to admit because I loathe Cameron with a passion, I actually like this ensemble. I can feel my dignity being stripped away by the second.


Marion Cotillard - There have been mixed reviews of this dress. Some people say she looked like a fish. But I really liked it! It fit her perfectly and if I could squeeze my ass into that dress, I would have worn it, too.


Katherine Heigl - Love the dress, hate the hair. Did Ken Paves get a hold of her? Really girl - how about drink the juice, Shelby, because that hair looks like it came straight out of Steel Magnolias. But awesome dress!


Heidi Klum - This dress is fabulous! Heidi rocked it.


Keri Russell - Absolutely love it!!!!! I'll be taking this picture next time I get my hair done to get this cute do. I love this girl. Love the dress. Love the hair. Love the jewels. She gets the ultimate best dressed award!


And now for my special awards...

What the F are you doing at the Oscars? Award:

Miley Cyrus - She annoys the crap out of me. Why were you at the Oscars? Victoria Beckham may as well have shown up if you were there. Paula Abdul - sure, come on down. We're so glad you could make it, Raven Symone. Why don't you just send out an invite to every asshole in Hollywood? Geez, I can't wait until she starts drinking.


Most Awkward and Inappropriate Moment Award:
Who else could this go to but Ryan Seacrest? I didn't see Maria Menounos anywhere so she must have sent her questions to Seacrest in advance. When he asked Jessica Alba if she was going to breastfeed her baby, Dick Clark rolled over in his grave. Wait, I think he is still alive. Regardless, he at least vomited over the tragic reality that his legacy is being shit on by Seacrest.

Photos: People.com

American Music Awards

The American Music Awards took place in Los Angeles last night. I didn't watch them because frankly I don't really care, but I'm sure it was a fantastic show. To see the full list of winners, go here. Here are some pics from the arrivals:

Mary J. Blige

Ne-Yo and some weird girl in space boots

Carrie Underwood - I am so not a fan of this dress. I don't like the choker style. That would make me and my football player neck look like The Rock.

Beyonce - ugh.

Chris Brown - He always seems so jovial, doesn't he?

Fergie

Natasha Bedingfield

will.i.am

Rascal Flatts - Ease up on the hair gel.

Beyonce's sister, Solange Knowles - Apparently she is trying to be a singer, too.

Nicole Scherzinger - This is the Head Skank of The Pussycat Dolls, but I think she just went out on her own. For being such a skank, she dressed pretty conservatively last night.

Queen Latifah

Adam Levine

Maroon 5

Lenny Kravitz

Sean Kingston - Nice bling.

Kid Rock and some skank - Couldn't find a shirt for the event, Kid? I understand. It must be hard to walk through the world every day being as hot as you are and resist taking off your shirt. Really classin' up that image.

Kellie Pickler and her new twins

Jordin Sparks

Duran Duran

Ashanti

Amanda Bynes

The ABC Family/non-musical group:

Taye Diggs of the worst new show of the season "Private Practice" - Way to help Darlene give birth last week!

Christina Applegate of one of the best new shows of the season "Samantha Who?"

Chyler Leigh aka Lexi Grey from "Grey's Anatomy"

Lexi's crush, Justin Chambers with his wife Keisha and one of their 400 children

Jennie Garth of "Dancing with the Stars" with husband Peter Facinelli

The Disney Family:

Ashley Tisdale of High School Musical uno and dos

Monique Coleman of HSM 1 & 2


Vanessa Hudgens announced last night that she has been officially signed on to join the cast of High School Musical 3, despite nude pictures of her that circulated on the internet recently. Ah Walt, he's becoming so liberal these days. Remember when the biggest scandal to hit Disney was when we could hear Aladdin say, "Down, kitty. Down, kitty. Take off your clothes." Things used to be so PG.

Miley Cyrus aka Hannah Montanna aka You annoy the shit out of me, as well as the whiny ass parents filing law suits against you for concert tickets. Strap on a pair and tell your kids no for once.

The Best Dressed Award goes to...

Alicia Keys

The Worst Dressed Award goes to... Drum roll, please...

Rihanna for this terrible get-up. Ummm, I think you forgot to get your dress taken up. I can see your breasts. Oh, you don't care about that? Well, my bad. Just don't come crying to me because you are cold.

Where did you leave your other glove? At MJ's house?

My mother always told me to keep my hair out of my face. Tell me, Rihanna, where is your mother tonight?



Scariest Picture of the Night/Why the Hell Are You at the American MUSIC Awards? Award goes to...

Omarosa: This image will forver haunt my dreams.

Photos: WireImage