Britney Spears' Tragic Family Secrets

We have been duped. Britney Spears promised us she wouldn't swipe her V-card until she got married, only to reveal she had already slept with Justin Timberlake. Now Us Weekly is revealing that Britney actually did the deed with her first love, Reg Jones, when she was only 14.

Us is also unveiling a terrible secret family history of the Spears family. Her paternal grandmother, Emma Jean Spears, committed suicide at the age of 31. She had given birth to a boy eight years earlier who passed away after only three days and took her life by shooting herself in the chest on his grave. Emma Jean had attempted suicide three times before this. She left behind four children, including Britney's dad, Jamie Spears, and two other boys that ended up homeless with criminal records. All this and more in the new issue that hits newsstands Wednesday.

- Awww, isn't Nicole Richie just the sweetest? She's donating all of her baby gifts to 100 needy families.

- Simon Cowell revealed that he has had Botox. Thank you for letting us know, Captain Obvious.

- Mary-Kate Olsen was hospitalized with a kidney infection on Monday. Not that I'm jumping to any conclusions, but do you know what can cause a kidney infection? A little too much lovin', that's what.

- The Red Hot Chili Peppers filed a lawsuit against Showtime on Monday for violating a federal trademark law. The band's 1999 album "Californication" was "the signature CD, video and song of the band's career. For some TV show to come along and steal our identity is not right." The lawsuit calls for Showtime to stop using the name as the title of their show starring David Duchovny and give the band any profits made on the show.

- Bill Nye "The Science Guy" has filed a restraining order against his wife, who he claims tried to poison him. Wait a minute... I haven't seen ol' Bill Nye for years, and all of the sudden he turns up on "America's Most Smartest Model" and someone tried to kill him? What a comeback! Meet the new Brad Pitt, ladies and gents.

- The inquest into the death of Anna Nicole Smith's son, Daniel, finally began on Monday. Daniel died in a Bahamas hospital three days after his mom gave birth to sister Dannielynn on September 10, 2006.

- "The Bachelor" Brad Womack is still very much a bachelor...

- What did you think of the "Weeds" season finale? I don't know what to think! I don't want to reveal too much for those who DVRed it, but I was a bit perplexed by the ending. Hence the term "cliffhanger." Will Nancy and Conrad ever end up happily ever after? Maybe in Pittsburgh? I guess we will have to wait until next year to find out!

Photo: Us Weekly

New Managers, Losing Kids, and Snake Venom

With all of my newfound fame, I guess I have to update more often now, huh?


- Britney Spears got herself a new manager, y'all! Not that anything will help her at this point, but Brit Brit has hired Jeff Kwatinez to manage her career... A man Kelly Clarkson once fired. I wonder what he will propose to save her from entertainment extinction?

- Oops, she did it again. I can't believe I just said that. Britney Spears actually made a smart move for once. Instead of a repeat performance of her now infamous greasy fingers OK! magazine feature, Britney canceled her interview with Allure four times. She did participate in the photo shoot for the mag and will be the September cover girl but since she never took the time to actually speak to the magazine, they are running a cover article with the title “Britney Spears: Tells Us Nothing and Everything.” I guess my mom was right... Silence is golden.

- Paris Hilton got a rash in jail? Are you sure she didn't have that before she turned herself in?

- There have been reports that Madonna may not be able to adopt little Malawian David, who I totally forgot existed. But Madge says not to worry about her expanding brood. “The information regarding the adoption that was reported on Reuters is simply not accurate,” Madonna’s rep Liz Rosenberg tells 24Sizzler.com.

- Turns out Jack Nicholson might have a couple of illegitimate children. Is anyone surprised? This man is known for sleeping with a different woman every day of the week, so I'm sure there's been a couple of accidents here or there. A new unauthorized biography is claiming that Jack has fathered a handicapped son and refuses to accept paternity. In Five Easy Decades, author Dennis McDougal writes that Nicholson is "known 'by most counts' to have one legitimate daughter and five love children". He also says, "There are two other possibles whom those closest to Jack whisper about, including one young man who lives with handicaps brought on by his actress mother's drug abuse... These are among the closely held secrets he has generally succeeded in keeping from his fans." Abe Somer, Jack's lawyer, tells Page Six, "The allegations of the handicapped son are false and inaccurate. There is no handicapped son of Mr. Nicholson."

- Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards are about to duke it out in court again. Charlie wants to get rid of those pesky supervisors required during his time with his children, Lola and Sam. Page Six reports that Denise wants another baby so bad, that she even asked Charlie to father a new child. Charlie, however, is engaged to Brooke Mueller. Denise reportedly sent flowers to congratulate the newly engaged couple, but a source claims that Brooke never received any flowers but did receive an emergency call from Denise. When Brooke arrived to meet Denise and the kids, there was no emergency, but there was paparazzi conveniently at the scene. Denise denies this stating, "I did ask both Charlie and Brooke to lunch to see the kids - he hadn't seen them in two weeks - but only Brooke took me up on it. The paparazzi were already following me, as they do every day, and took a picture - and I have the bill for the flowers I sent from Mark's Garden. Brooke even showed my nanny the flowers." I wonder if those flowers stunk of shit like Denise's story?

- In other child custody news, Anne Heche and ex Coley Laffoon have been ordered to undergo psychiatric evaluations to determine who should get custody of their son, Homer. Forget all the legal stuff anymore. Is there a way to just start taking kids from celebrities? Someone should look into that. (Ahem, Los Angeles Child Services - this means you.)

- Justin Timberlake is collaborating with Madonna and... Reba?!

- Gwyneth Paltrow uses snake venom as a cure for wrinkles? That's one of the weirdest things I've ever heard, but I'd probably try it as an alternative to the needles that come along with Botox.

- Maddox Jolie-Pitt turned six this weekend.

- Ah, election time. Rock the Vote, but remember it's your choice to keep your vote private. Or you can just be like celebrities and make your donations very well known. Below is a list of the political candidates and who is supporting them (and what some donated).

Team Obama: Jennifer Aniston ($2300), Halle Berry ($2300), Will Smith, Jamie Foxx, George Clooney, Tyra Banks
Team Clinton: Martha Stewart ($4600), Donald Trump Jr. ($4000)
Team Giuliani: Kelsey Grammar ($2300), Ben Stein ($750)

- If you've got some time to kill, I recommend watching several episodes of "Clark and Michael". It follows the adventures of Michael Cera (who those of you who are awesome know as George-Michael Bluth from "Arrested Development" and the upcoming Superbad) and BFF Clark Duke as they try to sell their script to the big-wigs in LA, to no avail. The interaction between the two is awkward but lovable and the rejection is hilarious, with one exec telling Michael he lacks appeal to audiences because of his lack of a jaw. The episodes are online though, so be prepared to spend some time in front of your computer. The opening credits themselves are pretty hysterical and so 80's, making that alone worth the first few minutes.

- This t-shirt is at the top of my birthday list...



Photos: Thesuperficial.com; shop.hasselhoff.com.

What else happened this weekend...

- Mischa Barton went to the hospital on Sunday due to "an adverse reaction to medication". Hmmm... Are you sure about that? Mischa was at a BBQ at Nicole Richie's best friend's house, apparently named Masha (uh, what?) and was taken to the hospital after her little episode. Perez Hilton claims that the actress "did so many mushrooms - in addition to a lot of cocaine - that she thought she was dying!" From what I have heard about Mischa, the latter may have some truth to it.

- Nicole Richie's email invitation to the guests for the above Memorial Day BBQ is as follows:

From: Nicole Richie < xxxxxxxx@xxxxxxx.xxxxxxxx.xxx > To: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Subject: Masha and Nicole's Memorial Day Party Date: Thu 24 Ma 2007 04:29:29 +0000

My fellow Americans its that time of year To celebrate our country by drinking massive amounts of beer Let's stand together as one, live the American dream Take shots, pass out, & wake up with our pants ripped open at the seems Let's glorify this day in your sluttiest tops and your tightest pair of tsubi jeans Even though we have no f***ing clue what Memorial Day really means!!

Mashas House
Sunday May 28th, at 2pm
XXXXX Crest Court
Beverly Hills, Ca 90210

There will be a scale at the front door. No girls over 100 pounds allowed in. Start starving yourself now. See you all then!!!

Please make sure to RSVP as this is a large party and we need to keep track of who's coming. Thanks

Damn those weight limits! I sure as hell wouldn't have been able to get in.

- Ashley Judd's husband, Dario Franchitti, won the Indy 500 this weekend.

- I feel sorry for those working at the MTV Movie Awards, which airs this Sunday. Now that Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are dating, producers are working overtime to avoid a conflict with Timberlake's ex, Cameron Diaz. At the most recent Golden Globes, Cam saw Justin flirting with Jessica and "blew up" at her ex. Both Cameron and Jessica are presenters at this weekend's event and producers want to make sure the two will never see each other. Good luck! I wasn't planning on watching this year (who am I kidding? I will watch the reruns for sure), but this gives me a fantastic reason to tune in.

- It was all smiles and politeness today on "The View". Barbara Walters talked about how much she will miss her dear friend Rosie O'Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck claimed that she and Ro had "been emailing each other all weekend" and were in the process of making amends. However, Rosie's calling Elisabeth a liar. She wrote on her blog, Elisabeth "spoke to kelli/we had one e mail exchange". This bitchfest is never going to end.

Photo: Pham-MBF/X17