Nicole Kidman Testifies, Britney Spears Loses Lawsuit, Kanye West Breaks Down, and More

Nicole Kidman showed up to court today in Sydney to give testimony that she feared a paparazzi chase would end in a car wreck two years ago. She claimed she was "really, really scared" and reduced to tears from the traumatic event. Nicole also said, "I have been pursued many times... I employ people to protect me now. I employ people 24 hours to protect myself because I don't feel equipped to handle things."

- Kanye West broke down while performing his song "Hey Mamma" at a Paris concert. Kanye's mother, Donda West, passed away last weekend due to complications with plastic surgery. He became visibly upset and had to be consoled by members of his band before leaving the stage. He did come back out refreshed to perform an encore of "Stronger" after taking a fifteen minute break to compose himself. Dr. Jan Adams, the doctor that performed Donda's surgery, will appear on "Larry King Live" tomorrow to give his side of the story.

- Louis Vuitton has won a lawsuit against Britney Spears in Paris for "bastardizing their logo and tarnishing the company image."

- Just in case you are keeping score, it is now K-Fed: 11, Britney: 0. K-Fed found out he gets the kids for Turkey Day. Britney will celebrate the holiday with the kids on Wednesday. I hear she is having the event catered by KFC.

- Nicole Richie had a Wizard of Oz themed baby shower this weekend with over 90 guests. Richie has yet to confirm the sex of her and Joel Madden's baby, but some guests did bring gifts for a boy.

- Jonathan Rhys Meyers was arrested yesterday in a Dublin, Ireland airport for public drunkenness and breach of peace when trying to board a plane. He had been told twice by police to calm down while acting in "erractic, abusive behavior" before being arrested. He had been in Dublin to promote August Rush, his new movie with Keri Russell.

- The cast of Celebrity Apprentice is in: Marilu Henner from "Taxi", Piers Morgan from "America's Got Talent", Gene Simmons from Kiss, Stephen Baldwin aka the most insane Baldwin brother (not that there is much of a competition for that title), Vincent "Big Pussy" Pastore from "The Sopranos", Omarosa and her horse mouth, and a bunch of other people I have never heard of. Check out the rest of the cast here.

- "Dirty Sexy Money" has been picked up for a full season by ABC. It is the first show to be picked up for a full season since the WGA went on strike November 5.

- The show must go on! The cast of "Saturday Night Live" performed their show at the Upright Citizen's Brigade Theater this past weekend along with the originally scheduled host Michael Cera and musical guest Yo La Tengo. "Saturday Night Live - On Strike!" featured never-before-seen skits performed live in front of a very small audience. America only got to see a rerun of Brian Williams' hosting gig from a few weeks ago.

- Barney finally gets his slaps on tonight's "Slapsgiving" episode of "How I Met Your Mother".

- A seven-month pregnant Juliana Margulies got hitched to lawyer Keith Lieberthal in Massachuetts.

- Timbaland is about to become a father with a woman who works at his record label, though the two are not together. Page Six reports he will be "involved in the child's upbringing."

- Orlando Bloom and Victoria's Secret model Miranda Kerr are dating. Who knew?

- Michael Vick surrendered himself to U.S. Marshalls today to begin serving his sentence. His trial was set to begin in three weeks, so now whatever sentence the judge gives him could end earlier than anticipated.

- Serena Williams and rapper Common are rumored to be dating.

Photo: WireImage

Where art thou, La Lohan?

Nicole Richie will serve her four days, if that, at the same Lynwood jail Paris Hilton stayed at. And she's finally claiming her baby, telling Diane Sawyer that she is four months along and daddy is Joel Madden. And in totally unrelated news, the ladies on "The View" discussed today how to tell your child they were an accident. No, I am not kidding. Why do you ask?

- Speaking of "The View", the new bland panelist is Whoopi Goldberg. Fun fact of the day: Did you know Whoopi had her own talk show back in the '90s? It only lasted one season, so I don't think Whoopi related to the masses. Don’t you know you have to be a lesbian to make a solo talk show soar, Whoopi? Rosie did it, Ellen did it, Oprah did it. Otherwise, you end up with a cancelled chatfest and a broken heart like Tempestt Bledsoe.

- Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are officially divorced. Who would have thought that Kevin's reputation would be the one getting a boost from divorcing Brit? It's rumored that Britney, ever the example, constantly feeds her kids Doritos and soft drinks. So much that poor Sean Preston's teeth are decaying and yellowing, prompting Britney to ask a dentist about teeth whitener for the child. Even worse, when Brit misplaces her pack of cigarettes, “she’ll actually turn to Sean and say, ‘Baby, where are Mama’s lollipops?’ Sean runs, gets her cigarettes and brings them back to her." She's also been making death threats to the paparazzi. I think the only thing that will save her career at this point is to fake her death. Hey... It worked for Tupac.

- Lindsay Lohan is lucky this week, what with all the insane antics of Britney and the pregnant inmate Nicole. She has been able to hide her car chase from last week quite nicely amongst all the other starlets' news. She is supposedly getting help and her mother Dina is finally by her side. But they are not free from trouble just yet... Dina is being sued for not refunding $400,000 that was lent to her to help her jumpstart lil' LiLo's career all those years ago.

- Maybe Faith Hill and Tim McGraw should get some security at their concerts. At one show last weekend, one fan stole Tim's ring off his hand and another grabbed his, uh, area. Faith was having none of it, and I don't blame her! She told the crotch grabber, "Somebody should teach you some class, my friend."

- Usher's wedding to pregnant Tameka Foster was canceled last weekend. He wanted Jean Georges to cater the affair. She wanted barbecue. With an argument as important as that, naturally the nuptials were called off.

- One wedding that did end in "I do", Steve Martin married writer Anne Stringfield.

- According to Kanye West, "Only white people and older black people say 'bling' now." Well, what the hell am I supposed to call my 20 pound gold and diamond chain hanging around my neck?

- "Prison Break" star Lane Garrison may not have to serve time for his DUI that killed a young man.

- Tension is running high on MTV's "The Hills". Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag "hate each other so much" that they refuse to even promote the show together. They had to shoot promotional photos of Heidi separately and Photoshop her in. I can't wait to see how it all plays out when the third season premieres on MTV August 13 at 10pm.

- Bullocks! I just realized that the season premiere of "The Hills" conflicts with the season premiere of "Weeds"! Sorry, LC, but I have to know what happens to Nancy and Conrad - and all of that pot. "Weeds" also premieres at 10pm August 13 on Showtime, but you can watch the season premiere here. The password is MONDAYS if you don't want to register.

- Those of us who long for our days in frats and sorats can rejoice! abcfamily's "Greek" has been renewed for ten more episodes.

- Dolly Parton has started her own record label, Dolly Records.

- Gary Coleman was arrested for disorderly conduct in Utah this past weekend. Insert "Whachoo talking 'bout, Willis?" reference here.

- I have just one question for you: Why can’t a heterosexual guy tell a heterosexual guy that he thinks his booty is fly?


Can you tell I like "Flight of the Conchords"? Have a fabulous weekend, people!!!


Photo by: Ida Mae Astute/ABC; Us Weekly/Perez Hilton.