"American Idol" winner, dating news, and Tyra Banks

Hello again! Sorry it has been so long without a new post. I know all of you have just been dying to hear from me! Here's what I have cared about (or not cared about) in the last week or so:


- Jordin Sparks won "American Idol" last night. I know that is a girl, but that's about it. Some tool with frosted tips lost.

- A battle began on "The View" yesterday between... You guessed it! Rosie O'Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Something about troops being terrorists or some nonsense.

The fight went something like this:

Rosie - "I'm a liberal!"
Elisabeth - "I'm a conservative!"
Rosie - "Donald Trump is to blame for all the wars in the world!"
Elisabeth - "You're being glib! How annoying can I possibly be?!"

I may be taking some liberties there, but I'm pretty sure that was the basic plot of the argument. Go here to watch the video and see what really happened. Now Rosie may be leaving the show early. She is set to leave in three weeks. Rosie wasn't on "The View" today, but she's just gone for her partner Kelli's birthday.

- I regret to inform you that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt of "The Hills" are engaged. She's 20, by the way. Congratulations. I'll let you know when they file for divorce.

- Ohhhh... Dina Lohan just got BUSTED! She told Us, "I've read all these things, like I said I'm the White Oprah ... I've never said that in my entire life! It's completely ridiculous." Is it? IS IT? Because she told Star Magazine last year, "I love to talk. Lindsay's friends call me 'The White Oprah' because they all come to me with their problems." You liar!

- "KISS MY FAT ASS!" These were the words we heard Tyra Banks scream as she slapped her own ass on her talk show a few months ago. After months of talking about how much she doesn't care that she's fat and how she worked so hard all those years as a model that they are willing to retouch her now, Tyra is eating her words. Well, I guess actually "lean turkey sandwiches and loads of fresh-cut veggies and fruit." Ty-ty has gone on a diet and has lost thirty pounds recently, despite being oh-so comfortable with her weight. Girl couldn't even last five months with what some of us have lasted twenty years. Weak!

- I found this article on MSN today. MSN proposes to VH1 which celebrities they want for "Celebreality" shows. My suggestion for a VH1 reality show: I hate to admit this, but Tyra Banks. I would watch it. Every day probably. I just want a camera to follow her around all day so I can make fun of everything she does. She's like my heroin (not heroine, as in hero... I mean the drug). I resist the urge to partake in any of Tyra's television shows daily. But sure enough, Wednesday at 8pm rolls around and I'm right in front of the TV anxious to see what idiotic stuff Tyra will do on "America's Next Top Model". Then I get in my bed to go to sleep and get sucked in to reruns of "The Tyra Banks Show" on Oxygen. I mean really, how am I supposed to sleep when Tyra has an "America's Next Top Drag Queen" contest going on? She is to blame for my insomnia. There's just so much joy every time I see that pained look in her eye when she introduces a new segment on her talk show, like "I'm so embarrassed to be saying this but... Please welcome Stacia, who is a two foot tall stripper." So VH1, the crack-addicted side of my personality begs of you to start a reality show with Tyra Banks as the star. But the side of me that wants to have a life begs of you never to give her more air time...EVER!

- Nicole Richie claims she is not in rehab though The National Enquirer and Star are reporting that Nicole has been in rehab for a pain-killer addiction and anorexia and that she weighs 83 pounds.

- Brittany Murphy might have married Simon Monjack to keep him from getting deported.

- Oprah's dad is writing a book about her and she is pissed.

- Amy Winehouse married Blake Fielder-Civil last weekend.

- Donna Lynn Hogan wants to be just like sissy Anna Nicole Smith. She is giving herself a birthday present of new boobs and dying her hair bleach blonde. This is all in attempt to make it in Playboy. This from the woman who wrote Train Wreck: The Life and Death of Anna Nicole Smith.

- Napoleon Dynamite star Jon Heder and his wife, Kirsten, had a girl named Evan Jane Heder this week.

- Cameron Diaz might be dating "Mindfreak" Criss Angel. Most of you know my theory about couples looking alike, and I can see a resemblance here. If you can get past all the eyeliner and hair...on him.

- Jessica Simpson and John Mayer broke up. Or they didn't. I don't know! I'm so confused!

- "Weeds" is coming back August 13. Guess who is stopping by Agrestic? Mary-Kate Olsen... What the hell?

- "Big Love" starts it's second season with a move to Monday nights on June 11.

Wow! That was a lot of stuff I neglected to report on! I'm sure there's a lot I missed, so there may be a few updates in your near future!

Photo by: Frank Micelotta / Getty