Queen Killa

Photo by: Tim Graham / Getty; Tim Ockenden / AP
- Prince William and Kate Middleton (who looks just like Lauren Conrad from "The Hills") have split, making room for me to become the future Queen of England.

- Shia LaBeouf, currently in Disturbia and the world's next biggest star, has signed on to play the role of Indiana Jones' son in the upcoming movie.

- Willa Ford will be starring as Anna Nicole Smith in the movie about her life. In a desperate attempt to become her character (and get some attention), she purchased an exact replica of Anna Nicole's pink bed designed by stereotype Bobby Trendy. Trendy will make a cameo in the movie as himself. This sounds like it will be the finest piece of cinema ever made.

- If you gag easily, do not read this story. Us Weekly reports that Paris Hilton and new man candy Josh Henderson of "Desperate Housewives" participated in a "makeout off" Tuesday night at LA club Area. When Paris saw her ex makeout partner Travis Barker snuggling with his rekindled flame Shanna Moakler, both couples engaged in a contest of disgusting PDAs "as if they were trying to one up each other". They are now in search of a sponsor for the contest and are hoping to make it an Olympic event. I'll let you know when tryouts are announced.

- Looking for some uplifting tunes? My new obsession is Mika's album "Life in Cartoon Motion". I highly suggest downloading it. You might recognize the song "Love Today" as the promo song on some of MTV's commercials for their Monday night lineup.

- Quote of the week: "And, like, I saw these magazines, and they said I was pregnant, and like it’s so true. Like, America, believe everything you read because like you’re smart and I’m stupid. Like for real. C’mon y’all.” - Britney Spears