Sir Bono, Posh, and TV news

Did anyone watch "Lost" last night? I don't like episodes about the new survivors. Or anything that makes me think a spider is crawling on me all night. Or that I will be buried alive.

- Bono was knighted today, but he would prefer it if we didn't call him "sir". I'll try to remember that next time I'm hanging out with him.

- Bruce Willis was supposedly seen "full-on making out" with Courtney Love at his 52nd birthday party. Vom.

- Sources are now speculating that caffeine killed Anna Nicole Smith. I guess I need to switch to decaf. "What?! Why you son of a bitch! You told me this was regular coffee!" A select few of you will get that reference.

- Us Weekly posted a letter on their website pleading with Victoria Beckham to start wearing bras when she moves to LA. Here is my letter: Dear Posh, Please go to In-and-Out Burger as soon as you land at LAX. Love, Killa

- "Top Chef" host Padma Lakshmi has supposedly split from her author husband Salman Rushdie. She claims he was totally harshing her buzz.

- Britney Spears went to the hospital because her tooth was hurting. Today she has a headache and CNN devoted a half-hour to the story.

- To promote The Simpsons movie this summer, select 7-Eleven stores might be turned into Kwik-E-Marts. People will also be able to buy Buzz Cola and iced Squishees. There is no sarcasm involved in this post.

- "Rescue Me" will begin its fourth season in June. I'm absolutely ecstatic for more opportunities to see my Hispanic boyfriend Franco!!

- It was reported that "Diff'rent Strokes" actor Todd Bridges was dead. He responded with, "What you talkin' bout, TMZ?"

- "Laguna Beach" = DUIs. The newest cast member to get arrested is Jessica Smith, who you may remember as the most annoying person in existence. She was released today and charged with a DUI and causing "great bodily injury" in a car wreck.

- Seeing how much press Britney Spears has received lately, Donald Trump might shave his head. Hallelujah.

- There is a marathon of "The Office" tonight on NBC. So that's two hours of Jim Halpert. Awesome!

- Has anyone been watching "'Til Death Do Us Part?", the new Court TV show hosted by John Waters? He is the narrator that takes us through a new story of spousal murder each episode. It is my new favorite murder show. Perhaps maybe I should start watching "American Idol"...