2012 Academy Awards - Best Picture Review

Hello all - time again for my only annual post. I love having people ask me if I'm going to post this year, and I love sharing my views on all the movies with y'all. I'm super pumped for tonight's show - actually, I'm more excited about all of the dresses and all the judging I get to do, but I'm sure you knew that. Before I head off to my Oscar party to enjoy a glass of wine and mocking Ryan Seacrest, below are my reviews of the 9 nominees for Best Picture this year.

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close: I knew this one would be a tear jerker, but I was so not expecting to be full on ugly sobbing in the middle of theater, basically incapable of regaining strength in my legs to leave once it was over. If you need a good cry, go see this movie. Otherwise, skip it. I think it will always be too soon for a movie about 9/11. Obviously it's going to be super sad, and you don't think there could be something to be angry about in a movie about 9/11 except terrorists, but wow - that kid was such a jerk. If you think that makes me sound terrible for saying that about a child, then I dare you to go see the movie. You will want to ring his neck, too.

Hugo: This was definitely an enjoyable film, but I think we can all agree that the only reason it is getting all of this hype is because of the name Scorcese. It's a kids movie after all. Not that I think kids movies can't be nominated, but there was nothing over the top amazing about this to get it a Best Picture nod. Two major things annoyed me about this movie... 1) Was Chloe Moretz supposed to be a love interest for that 8 year old? Because she was like 7 years older than him, and I'm pretty sure this isn't Cougar Town. 2) Maybe I'm just a little bitter that I had to pay $18 to see it because it was only available in 3D. 3D! Why was 3D necessary for this movie at all? So I can see the snow a little bit better? That's the only 3D I noticed, and quite frankly, I'd like to keep my extra 5 bucks. 3D is just not necessary at all, and it's been forced upon us by James Cameron because he made every theater invest in the capability for Avatar. Thanks James, but no one gives a crap about seeing Titanic in 3D.

The Help: Let me be the first to say that there is absolutely no reason for this to be nominated for Best Picture. I'm awaiting the torches and pitchforks to come knocking down my door now, because I seem to be the only person in America that feels this way. It was an excellent book and an ok movie, but I honestly think the only reason it was nominated is because of the topic. Viola Davis and Octavia Spencer both had phenomenal performances, but the story was not developed well in the film like it was in the book. They skipped a lot of the events that occurred to make Skeeter want to write the book, and just began with an image of the corpse from Tales from the Crypt, I mean... Cicely Tyson comforting Emma Stone and she magically decides to write a book on maids in the South. I think it was a poor adaptation of the book, and miraculously, for once I can say I read a book prior to seeing the movie. Enjoyable, yes. Best Picture worthy, no.

War Horse: This was a really heartfelt epic war story about a horse's journey after being sold into the war and his owner's desperate search to find him. I was quite surprised that I really enjoyed it. This one actually deserves the nomination despite being attached to a huge industry legend like Spielberg, unlike Hugo. This is one of the few nominees out of the 9 that I actually support being nominated. I miss the good ole' days of 5 worthy nominees. Now with such a large number of nominees, it makes room for any worthless film to get a nod, like Tree of Life...

Tree of Life: IMDb describes this as an "impressionistic story of a Texas family in the 1950s. The film follows the life journey of eldest son, Jack, through the innocence of childhood to his disillusioned adult years as finds himself a lost soul in the modern world." Oh... I did NOT get that at all. What's supposed to be a story about a southern family somehow magically turns into that video your science teacher made you watch on the Big Bang. The only thing that can explain this is that someone made a mashup of some footage of Brad Pitt yelling, Jessica Chastain's scenes from The Help, an educational film of the galaxy, a home video of a drunken Sean Penn running around on a beach, and A Land Before Time - and the Academy found it hilarious to play a huge trick on us by nominating it and making us believe this is supposed to be an inspiring film. I was straight up dumbfounded after watching this. One second I'm watching Brad Pitt in an acting performance that I can only describe as his channeling Billy Bob Thorton in Sling Blade, and the next I'm watching two dinosaurs meet next to a stream. Makes total sense, right? And here I thought Winter's Bone was the worst movie I had ever seen - I'd take Jennifer Lawrence walking through a field for 2 hours anytime over this piece of crap.

Midnight in Paris: This is the kind of pretentious movie that the Academy loves. It's a pretty dumb premise, a man being transported back to 1920's Paris every night and hobknobbing with the literary greats. Who is going to believe that Owen Wilson is smart enough to carry on a conversation with Ernest Hemingway? Did Woody Allen not see Shanghai Knights before deciding to cast him?

Moneyball: Apparently the Academy is obsessed with Brad Pitt this year. Given the fact that I have limited (read: no) sports knowledge, I still found the concept of using statistics to bring together a winning baseball team to be quite interesting. It was a good story, not one that I would rave about, but at least a decent rental for a Friday night. This is probably the first role Brad has played in years that people can relate to and not something he has chosen just for art's sake. Maybe he was just so exhausted from avoiding dinosaurs in 1950's Mississippi that he didn't realize he had signed on to play a likable person for the first time in 10 years.

The Artist: This was way more enjoyable than I expected. You think silent movie and you're like, ugh, I thought we invented talkies for a reason. The Artist has all the elements that make a winner - well, except sound... It has a hot lead actor, an unrequited love that finally becomes a happily ever after, and a really cute dog. You really do feel as if you are transported back to the 1920's (take notes, Woody Allen). You can truly feel the characters' emotions and get engrossed in the story, even while being distracted by your neighbor's loud popcorn crunching that's normally drowned out by the sounds of a movie. While I really enjoyed it, it's not my top pick. All signs point to it taking home the final award tonight - it's swept all the other award shows and it hasn't given any other movies a chance.

The Descendants: And finally, we've arrived at my favorite movie of the Best Picture nominees. If you are like me, then you loved this movie. If you are like my mom, then the high number of "f-bombs", as she put it, ruined your chance at enjoying it. I thought it was hilarious - that little girl was such a spitfire and so funny. Move over jerk kid from Extremely Loud & Incredibly Long Title, there's an actually charming adolescent in town. George Clooney was absolutely fabulous in this movie. His transformation begins with a boring man who gets walked all over by his family, and you actually walk through every emotion he has about his wife's impending death and newly discovered adultery. You feel terrible for this man, but you are finally glad when he gets angry and just lets it all out - and George is able to convey every emotion flawlessly. This is my pick for Best Picture - I loved this dark comedy and if you aren't horribly offended by "f-bombs" like my mom, I highly recommend you see this.

Enjoy the show!!!