And the Oscar goes to...

The most important night of the year is finally here, ladies and gents. And I have dragged myself out of my black hole of blogdom to share with you devoted Pop Guru fans my picks for the Oscar winners. You didn't think I was going to let this event go by and not give you my two cents? Please, the Guru wouldn't do you like that! I just finished watching Michael Clayton to fulfill my third year of seeing each film nominated for Best Picture. I love this night! The dresses, the jewelry, the awards, the celebs, the speeches. Only a few speeches have ever brought me to tears over the past 24 years. I wonder if anyone will move me so much tonight. Never fear though... My Oscar speech has been prepared since I was eight years old. One day you will finally get to hear it.

Ok people, you know the drill. I'll give you the rundown of who I think should win, the Guru's Pick if you will, and then I will give you who I believe will actually win. I can't really control who The Academy chooses to be the winner, but I can sure as hell try!

Best Actress in a Supporting Role:
Cate Blanchett, I'm Not There
Ruby Dee, American Gangster
Saoirse Ronan, Atonement
Amy Ryan, Gone Baby Gone
Tilda Swinton, Michael Clayton

Guru's Pick: I'm pretty ambivalent about the nominees in this category this year. Unpronouncable First Name Ronan did a really good job in Atonement, and how they found someone to look exactly like her when she grew up is still beyond me. Cate Blanchett is The Academy's absolute favorite and can really do no wrong as far as they are concerned. I feel she will most likely win. I haven't seen I'm Not There because I don't give a shit about Bob Dylan and how can a young black boy be him? I just don't get it. Someone did some serious drugs when they dreamed up that shit. But I hear she did a good job and I don't doubt it. But do I think she should win? I don't know...

Academy's Pick: Probably Cate. But I gotta say I hear Amy Ryan did a phenomonal job in Gone Baby Gone and I can't wait to see it. I've been filling every free minute I had this past week seeing all the movies I hadn't seen in anticipation for the big event tonight, so this one slipped through the cracks. Oh, and quick story about my movie adventures this week. I went immediately after work on Tuesday to see There Will Be Blood because that was the only night I was going to have three free hours to sit in the movie theater. Damn, that was a long movie. They could have shaved at least thirty minutes off that easily. But I digress. As I entered the theater, I saw a pathetic setup for the premiere of that A Raisin in the Sun movie for ABC starring Claire Huxtable and Puff Daddy (or whatever he calls himself these days. I prefer my dad's name for him... Piddy). I went about my merry way and sat for a very long three hours in the dark watching a very depressing There Will Be Blood. As I emerged from the theater, I immediately ran for the bathroom because I had a giant Coke and had to use the restroom like one hour in. And I NEVER get up to go to the bathroom during a movie. Especially an Oscar nominated film. Please. Anywho, I left the bathroom and saw this African American fellow chatting on his cell phone. I think for an instant, "Hey, I know that guy," and I raise my hand slightly as if to wave at my friend. Simultaneously, a rather large African American man got extremely defensive and walked towards me hurriedly as if ready to pounce. Only then did I realize I was attempting to say hello to Piddy and in return, get my ass beat. I just laughed in the bodyguard's face and chuckled all the way home. Good times...

Best Actor in a Supporting Role:
Casey Affleck, The Assasanation of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (OMG, I need to sit down after trying to remember all the words in that title. Who am I trying to kid? I am, of course, sitting down.)
Javier Bardem, No Country for Old Men
Philip Seymour Hoffman, Charlie Wilson's War
Hal Holbrook, Into the Wild
Tom Wilkinson, Michael Clayton

Guru's Pick: This is the easiest decision I will make regarding tonight's awards. I have never been so terrified of a human being as I was of Javier Bardem in No Country for Old Men. One look from him and I was chilled down to my very spine. He is by far the scariest mofo that has ever lived and I will wet my pants if I ever encounter him. No lie. I mean I will be completely unable to control my bladder if I ever catch a glimpse of Javier Bardem. He completely transformed himself into a vicious killer fueled only by a love for money with a strange moralistic way of upholding his promises... Although they were deadly promises. Javier terrified me to my very core. So much so that I was constantly checking out the back window of the cab on the way home in fear I was going to get shot in the back of the head. Trust me, after seeing this movie you'd get that same feeling, too.

Academy's Pick: They are fools, fools I tell you, if they have the audacity to pick anyone but Javier. He deserves this award more than anyone else in this category. However, I have heard rumblings that Hal Holbrook might take home the naked gold man for his role in Into the Wild. I have no idea if he did well in that movie, but I have such fond memories of him growing up when he was Julia Sugerbaker's love Reese Watson on "Designing Women". For this, I'm at least glad he is nominated. Bravo, Hal. But the Oscar still goes to Javier.

Best Actress in a Leading Role:
Cate Blanchett, Elizabeth: The Golden Age
Julie Christie, Away From Her
Marion Cotillard, La Vie en Rose
Laura Linney, The Savages
Ellen Page, Juno

Guru's Pick:
I pick Julie Christie. I have not seen Away From Her, but I hear she did a phenomenal job. The film is about a lady who gets Alsheimers and her husband puts her in a nursing home, and she falls in love with another man and her husband can do nothing about it because she is sick and has no idea he exists. Tragic. Very sad. I want to see this movie so bad, but I feel like it will easily make me cry so I have yet to break down and press play. So congrats, Julie. I think you should win.

Academy's Pick: Hell if I know. I mean come on guys, Cate Blanchett... again... for the sequel to Elizabeth? How many movies can we have about that f-ing queen? Why was she so great anyway? Cate could basically film herself going to the bathroom and she would get nominated. Expect that out Summer 2009. Cate Blanchett stars in Number One. Marion Cotillard has become somewhat of Hollywood's newest sweetheart, so she has a fighting chance. Ellen Page is, of course, nominated. I loved Juno, I did. But I just don't know if I feel anything about it should be nominated except for Best Original Screenplay. I really love Laura Linney, but I doubt she will take home the gold. We shall see tonight...

Best Actor in a Leading Role:
George Clooney, Michael Clayton
Daniel Day-Lewis, There Will Be Blood
Johnny Depp, Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
Tommy Lee Jones, In the Valley of Elah
Viggo Mortensen, Eastern Promises

Guru's Pick: Daniel Day-Lewis. He's been in like seven movies and won awards for every one. He's the modern day King Midas. Whatever he touches turns to gold. I wish I could say Viggo Mortensen because DAMN, he's hot! But that's just not gonna happen. George Clooney did well in Michael Clayton, but he's done that brooding thing too much recently. I mean, Syriana? What the F was that about? Never been more confused in my life. Johnny Depp - no way I was going to pay $12 to see that movie. Call me when it's on DVD.

Academy's Pick: Daniel Day-Lewis. Cate Blanchett and Daniel are the Oscar Dream Team. He plays a psycho well and did a fab job in There Will Be Blood. And who else could start a craze over a quote as stupid as "I drink your milkshake!"? His character was a very cold man obsessed with power and money and wouldn't let anything, even his son, come between him and his oil. Daniel took the man from his most powerful days to his hermit Howard Hughes-like old age and turned him very convincingly into a psycho - yet, is he psycho? These are questions that only Daniel Day-Lewis himself is capable of creating.

And finally, the Oscar goes to...

Best Picture:
Atonement
Juno
Michael Clayton
No Country for Old Men
There Will Be Blood

Guru's Pick: As I said earlier, I have yet again acheived my sad little goal of seeing each film nominated for Best Picture. How else will I be able to make this very important executive decision that so many people rely on? And after much deliberation, I have decided the award should go to........ No Country for Old Men. I loved it! Although I spent much of the movie covering my face with my jacket, I was in awe of how a movie without any music whatsoever could send me into such a state of anticipation. The suspense is unreal. When is Javier going to show up? Who is going to get shot next? Is someone standing around the corner waiting to shoot me with some weird oxygen tank gun thing? OMG - what is about to happen next? That is how I felt the whole movie. And then, it ended. And I was all, what the F? What just happened? It kept me thinking for days. I love thinker films - and hate them at the same time. But a movie that can force me to actually use my brain - well, that's nothing short of a miracle and definitely worthy of the Best Picture Oscar.

Academy's Pick: This will be a duel to the finish between No Country for Old Men and There Will Be Blood. It all comes down to this, folks. Both are good films, but I felt that No Country for Old Men was definitely the better picture. I wouldn't have made any adjustments to that film at all, yet There Will Be Blood could have definitely been shorter. I'm not complaining about the three hours. I've seen Braveheart more times than I can count and happily sit through three hours of blood and gore with no issues. But There Will Be Blood could have gotten the point across in two and half hours at least. I'm just saying, this small difference is the deciding factor for me. No Country for Old Men deserves that Oscar - you hear me, Academy?

Well, I hope you all enjoyed that. Look forward to Pop Guru's Fashion Coverage some time tomorrow! You better watch tonight! And think about me up on that stage one day...