New Managers, Losing Kids, and Snake Venom

With all of my newfound fame, I guess I have to update more often now, huh?


- Britney Spears got herself a new manager, y'all! Not that anything will help her at this point, but Brit Brit has hired Jeff Kwatinez to manage her career... A man Kelly Clarkson once fired. I wonder what he will propose to save her from entertainment extinction?

- Oops, she did it again. I can't believe I just said that. Britney Spears actually made a smart move for once. Instead of a repeat performance of her now infamous greasy fingers OK! magazine feature, Britney canceled her interview with Allure four times. She did participate in the photo shoot for the mag and will be the September cover girl but since she never took the time to actually speak to the magazine, they are running a cover article with the title “Britney Spears: Tells Us Nothing and Everything.” I guess my mom was right... Silence is golden.

- Paris Hilton got a rash in jail? Are you sure she didn't have that before she turned herself in?

- There have been reports that Madonna may not be able to adopt little Malawian David, who I totally forgot existed. But Madge says not to worry about her expanding brood. “The information regarding the adoption that was reported on Reuters is simply not accurate,” Madonna’s rep Liz Rosenberg tells 24Sizzler.com.

- Turns out Jack Nicholson might have a couple of illegitimate children. Is anyone surprised? This man is known for sleeping with a different woman every day of the week, so I'm sure there's been a couple of accidents here or there. A new unauthorized biography is claiming that Jack has fathered a handicapped son and refuses to accept paternity. In Five Easy Decades, author Dennis McDougal writes that Nicholson is "known 'by most counts' to have one legitimate daughter and five love children". He also says, "There are two other possibles whom those closest to Jack whisper about, including one young man who lives with handicaps brought on by his actress mother's drug abuse... These are among the closely held secrets he has generally succeeded in keeping from his fans." Abe Somer, Jack's lawyer, tells Page Six, "The allegations of the handicapped son are false and inaccurate. There is no handicapped son of Mr. Nicholson."

- Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards are about to duke it out in court again. Charlie wants to get rid of those pesky supervisors required during his time with his children, Lola and Sam. Page Six reports that Denise wants another baby so bad, that she even asked Charlie to father a new child. Charlie, however, is engaged to Brooke Mueller. Denise reportedly sent flowers to congratulate the newly engaged couple, but a source claims that Brooke never received any flowers but did receive an emergency call from Denise. When Brooke arrived to meet Denise and the kids, there was no emergency, but there was paparazzi conveniently at the scene. Denise denies this stating, "I did ask both Charlie and Brooke to lunch to see the kids - he hadn't seen them in two weeks - but only Brooke took me up on it. The paparazzi were already following me, as they do every day, and took a picture - and I have the bill for the flowers I sent from Mark's Garden. Brooke even showed my nanny the flowers." I wonder if those flowers stunk of shit like Denise's story?

- In other child custody news, Anne Heche and ex Coley Laffoon have been ordered to undergo psychiatric evaluations to determine who should get custody of their son, Homer. Forget all the legal stuff anymore. Is there a way to just start taking kids from celebrities? Someone should look into that. (Ahem, Los Angeles Child Services - this means you.)

- Justin Timberlake is collaborating with Madonna and... Reba?!

- Gwyneth Paltrow uses snake venom as a cure for wrinkles? That's one of the weirdest things I've ever heard, but I'd probably try it as an alternative to the needles that come along with Botox.

- Maddox Jolie-Pitt turned six this weekend.

- Ah, election time. Rock the Vote, but remember it's your choice to keep your vote private. Or you can just be like celebrities and make your donations very well known. Below is a list of the political candidates and who is supporting them (and what some donated).

Team Obama: Jennifer Aniston ($2300), Halle Berry ($2300), Will Smith, Jamie Foxx, George Clooney, Tyra Banks
Team Clinton: Martha Stewart ($4600), Donald Trump Jr. ($4000)
Team Giuliani: Kelsey Grammar ($2300), Ben Stein ($750)

- If you've got some time to kill, I recommend watching several episodes of "Clark and Michael". It follows the adventures of Michael Cera (who those of you who are awesome know as George-Michael Bluth from "Arrested Development" and the upcoming Superbad) and BFF Clark Duke as they try to sell their script to the big-wigs in LA, to no avail. The interaction between the two is awkward but lovable and the rejection is hilarious, with one exec telling Michael he lacks appeal to audiences because of his lack of a jaw. The episodes are online though, so be prepared to spend some time in front of your computer. The opening credits themselves are pretty hysterical and so 80's, making that alone worth the first few minutes.

- This t-shirt is at the top of my birthday list...



Photos: Thesuperficial.com; shop.hasselhoff.com.