Lindsay Lohan Arrested (Denial, Denalis, and Bad Parenting)

Lindsay Lohan was arrested this morning for two misdemeanor charges of suspicion of driving under the influence and driving on a suspended license, and two felony charges of possession of cocaine. One of LiLo's two assistants quit (because who can put up with all that?) and called her mother to come pick her up from Lindsay's residence. Around 1:30am, the assistant's mother picked her up and then was pursued by an enraged Lindsay in her white Denali!

When police finally stopped the crazy redhead (excuse me... blonde), LaLo failed a field sobriety test and had a stash of cocaine in her pocket. Her blood alcohol level was between .12 and .13 percent. So much for that ankle bracelet! Lindsay was arrested and taken to the clink (which they were only a block away from at the time), but she was released a little while later on $25,000 bail. Her arraignment is scheduled for August 24, the same date that was originally set for her Memorial Day DUI. There doesn't seem to be a way for her to get out of serving serious time (about as serious as Paris Hilton's stay was). Maybe she and Nicole Richie could share a cell? They could film it and call it "The Simple Life: Jailbirds".


Lindsay was booked last week for her May 26 DUI last week and has been in rehab twice since January. She had been wearing a SCRAM ankle bracelet since her most recent release from rehab to monitor her alcohol intake. I guess those things aren't sophisticated enough to sniff out cocaine. Lindsay's rep said, "Throughout this period, I have received timely and accurate reports from the testing companies. Unfortunately, late [Monday] I was informed that Lindsay had relapsed. The bracelet has now been removed. She is safe, out of custody and presently receiving medical care."

Is it terrible that all I can think of at a time like this is how desperately I want her bag?

There have been a lot of contradicting reports, however. While TMZ reported that Lindsay entered an undisclosed rehab center today, Perez Hilton says she is NOT in rehab. TMZ is also reporting now that Lindsay wasn't chasing her assistant, but that she was being chased while following her assistant. Mmmhmm... And OJ was just going to visit relatives across the border.

Dina Lohan spoke out to "The Insider" saying "I am sick over this. My children, my family -- we are like prisoners in our own home because paparazzi is staked outside. Lindsay is in a safe place [the Chateau Marmont] and we are trying to strategically work out our next step. We are doing everything in our power in support of Lindsay. And I won't give up. This is my daughter and we love her. We are waiting for the press frenzy to die down and leave her alone. Please respect our privacy." Where's all your "White Oprah" inspiration for your daughter, Dina?

Apparently when your child gets arrested, your supposed to make statements to the press. Michael Lohan has been all over the place today. He spoke to Perez Hilton for twelve minutes, appeared on "Larry King Live", and spoke to "The Insider". He really seems distressed by all of this. He told PEOPLE magazine, "I'm devastated by this. It's killing me, it's ripping me apart." Really? Is it? So much that you are crying in the fetal position clutching your phone, just barely summoning the strength to dial up CNN? Somebody get this man some Kleenex! Michael has been asked to stay away from Lindsay and her lawyer, Blair Berk, so I guess he will have to do all this caring elsewhere.

Lindsay's paternal grandmother, Marilyn Lohan, even released a statement: “I’m just very upset about the whole thing. She’s such a beautiful girl. We love her and we’re here for her. She can turn it around. With the right guidance and people, she can turn it around.” Tomorrow, expect statements from lil' sis Ali, lil' bro Dakota, her dealer, and Naomi Campbell, who taught her just how to treat her assistants.

Before this DUI and cocaine bust, Lohan was originally scheduled to appear on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno"... To repair her image. But that was scrapped and Rob Schneider took her place and came dressed as the celebutante! Her movie career is in tact as the producers of her flick Dare to Love Me are doing just that by standing by her and not firing her... For now.

News, both true and false, is constantly developing. I'll try to compile the best of all the information and update when I can. Have a happy hump day!

Photos: Santa Monica Police Department, Simon Ferreira/startraks, VIPIX/Ramey, AP/Dick Yarwood, 2005.